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Homer Simpson
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I'm not gonna kill you, but I'm gonna tell you three things that are gonna haunt you for the rest of your days: You ruined your father. You've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary. -It is?
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I can save this company millions of dollars a year. How? Through Jiko Kanri, the Japanese art of self management.
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What's wrong? -I'm stuck in that dead end job again. The kids are gonna hate me cause I can't buy them all that stuff I promised them, and you're not gonna love me as much cause I'm ugly and bald.
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Will this horrible year never end?
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Dad! -What is it, sweetie? Did you see a scary picture in your picture book?
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A woman is more like a beer! They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You want to drink another woman!
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Will you look at those morons? I paid my taxes over a year ago. -That was last year's taxes. You have to pay again this year.
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Marge, how many kids do we have? Oh, no time to count. I'll just estimate. Uh, nine.
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You're looking at five years, minimum. -No, sir. Please, I can't go to prison. They pee in a cup and throw it on you! I saw it in a movie.
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Any of you involved in any illegal activity? Because I could sure go for some.
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