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Homer Simpson
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It's time I told you about a chapter of my life I hoped would be closed forever.
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Now remember, criminals prey on small town folk like us. So if anyone asks, we're sophisticated millionaires from the Ozarks.
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Mr. Burns, are you trying to get me drunk? -Yes.
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It's time to be honest with her. I'm not sure I love you anymore.
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So what are you going to be, boy? -Policeman. -You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy. -No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb.
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Then I got this scar sneaking under the door of a pay toilet.
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Without that dental plan, you wouldn't have that diamond in your tooth.
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We always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good? -We have three kids, Homer. -Oh yeah.
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Hey, what does this job pay? -Nothing. -D'oh! -Unless you're crooked. -Whoo-hoo!
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Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no.
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