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The people who are motivated are the ones who were causing all the trouble.
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Americans don't get irony. It's one of those cultural myths, like, The British are reserved. I don't know why people think this. We've invaded every country we've encountered.
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Can I ask you, how many of you have got children of your own? Okay. And the rest of you have seen such children. Small people wandering about.
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You may have a dog. And your dog may get depressed. But it doesn't listen to Radiohead, does it? And sit staring out the window with a bottle of Jack Daniels.
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Today, you have achieved something special, something only ninety two percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma.
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Only at Harvard would someone have to invent a massive social network just to talk with someone in the next room.
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My first job as your commencement speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair.
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Though some of you may see me as a celebrity, you should know that I once sat where you sit. Literally. Late last night I snuck out here and sat in every seat.
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Your school motto is 'Voice crying out in the wilderness'. This is easily the most pathetic school motto I have ever heard.
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With no money, I was forced to enroll in a small, local commuter school, a pulsating sore on a muddy elbow of the Charles River.
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