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George Carlin
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There is no present. People say what time is it, well, do you mean now or when you asked me?
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You can say what you want about this country, and I love this place. I love the freedoms we used to have.
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Simple thing, that's all it is, war is a whole lot of men standing out in the field waving their pricks at one another.
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And since war is the ultimate competition, basically men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem.
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All of things that are important reduced in choice, but jelly beans, thirty two flavors.
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These singers who think they're so special they only need one name.
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Can't you just sense how eager the rest of the universe is for us to show up?
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One of the things I like to do on my show is complain.
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Life is not that complicated.
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If you're looking for self-help why would you read a book written by somebody else? That's not self-help that's help.
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